I Love You But…

I Love You But…

People fall in love all the time but not deeply.  When relationships, marriage, don’t work,
it is often because communication has broken down.   I’ll add to that, communicating the expectations of what is expected of the other. In this case, the relationship was doomed from the beginning.

  “The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved;
loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
In love there are two things– bodies and words.
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
There is always madness in love.”    unknown author

 

The search for love can make us crazy, some of us are already,  then we meet someone like us and we get crazy together. Marriage isn’t easy.  My experience has shown me that we are meant to continue to stretch and grow as individuals ,and we can feel lost when our partner/spouse is on a different timeline.
“You’re not the person I married” Thank God is sometimes the perfect response.
“Where did the person I marry go?”
We are conditioned to believe love from outside of us will fill us up and make us a more complete person.
If that person that completes us leaves, we go back to searching outside of ourselves.When Larry & faced the biggest challenges, I reminded myself of why I fell in love with him in the first place.
For the first time in my life I felt seen. He loved me deeply very early on, and it scared me.
I thought how can this guy be real, I didn’t love myself as much as he loved me.
There must be something wrong with him. And I did try to find out what what that was.
I tested his patience, I tested his loyalty, I could be mean to him and he wouldn’t waiver.
That made me push harder before I softened.
I asked him about it later.  He responded with his most compassionate, and cowboy-man of the land way☺:
“I didn’t leave my best friend when she needed me most, you wouldn’t either”.
That was the moment I fell deeply, safely into the arms of my love.
And love can be tricky, cruel and sneaky.  We ever been tested over the years.
We continue to win because we are tenacious in our commitment to each other.
We  keep looking for new ways to grow  as humans and together.
We have found by recognizing and honoring each other as individual’s first is a good and healthy practice.
It allows for accountability and for maintaining our personal identity.
We are more than our labels.
He’s not just the dad and I’m more than Larry’s wife.
      We were visiting an acquaintance and his wife. He was complaining about how hard it is to be married.
His wife was sitting there while he whined about their marriage. I could see she was clenching her teeth.
I wasn’t sure if it was from the tension between them or of her embarrassment that he was sharing
their marriage challenges in such a casual manner.

He looked at me as though he might get my support by feeling sorry for him.

Truth is I have no sympathy for people when they waste years of their life complaining
that they’re problem is somebody else’s shortcomings.
I wasted too many years of my younger life in relationships that shouldn’t have gotten started.
It’s never the other person, it’s both of them.

I responded gently at first as as he asked, explaining how you can lose your identity in marriage.
Remember what made you fall in love with each other I suggested.  I don’t recall what his comment was,
but it lit that fire in me.   I added that I have never asked or demanded that Larry change, but that I
did expect him to always do conscious self care and to be pro active in  his personal development,
body-mind and spirit.

I expect no less of him as I do of myself.

If you’re struggling in your relationship, don’t despair. Work on you first.
The gifts you bring to the world are for you to recognize and honor first.
It is these gifts that are uniquely you and what make your partner crazy about you.
This should be on your “non negotiable” list.
    If you are still in search of the one true love, love yourself first and stop looking.
Your true love is searching for you right now. There’s a good chance that person may already be
in your sphere but doesn’t see you.

They will see you when you are filled up and whole in yourself.

If you’d like to manifest your true love, I have a process that has worked for my clients.
Create a document that you will post somewhere private and that you will see often.

At the top write or type:
I Desire, I Deserve I Receive :
Now list all the qualities you would like to experience in a spouse
– someone who will love and accept me exactly how I am
– a spouse who is dedicated  to living a healthy lifestyle
– someone who loves to go dancing with me on Friday nights
– loves quiet evenings with me reading by the fireplace
– who is independently wealthy with a helping heart
– a partner who walks along side of me through thick and thin….
   You get the idea. Allow yourself to dream and the last line is:
I will meet my true love within the next three months.
After you get your statement all written to yourself.
Get ready to speak it out loud. If this feels weird-that’s perfect!
All the more reason to do it , you’re definitely on to something.
Do not share this with anyone. This is a sacred ritual you are creating to manifest your true love.
Keep me posted

By Lorrel Elian

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